My Creative Mojo

Blasting a handful of news items that been stacking up:

Dec 5: Happiness is contagious, researchers reported Thursday in the British Medical Journal. So get your booster shots before we get too far into happiness season. Health officials have indicated that the booster shots are especially important for young children, the elderly, and those who have compromised immune systems.

Dec 4: (Vero Beach, Fla.) A Vero Beach man faces a domestic violence charge after authorities said he assaulted his girlfriend with by smashing a cheeseburger into her face. To top it off, the girlfriend is suing him for emotional damages and trauma due to the two all beef patties, and the special sauce.

Dec 4: In the race for California’s 4th District House Seat, Democrat Charlie Brown conceded defeat to Republican state Sen. Tom McClintock on Wednesday, when McClintock pulled the football away just as Mr. Brown was about to kick it.

Nov 20: CEO’s from GM, Ford & Chrysler flew on private jets to Washington DC to ask the government for a 25 billion dollar bailout/loan. When Senator Harry Reid grilled them on how the money would be used, Ford CEO Alan Mulally replied, “10 Billion is for undercoating.”

Nov 9: Rapper 50 cent devalued to 21.6 cent.

Oct 5: Burger King switches to trans fat free oil.
Burger King completely removed trans fats from all its chain restaurants. The fast food chain was caught off guard by the backlash from the outraged, overweight lard-asses who were also banned.

Oct 5: Chinese pandas fed chicken soup for health. Three year old panda, Xiwang, replied, “Actually I didn’t want it for my health, I wanted it for my soul.”

Oct 4: Cook frozen chicken entrees properly, FDA urges.
In other news, local police urge people to look both ways before crossing the street, and four out of five doctors recommend not eating glass, nails or anything that can be described as gravelly.

Oct 4: (Chinese Zoo) Elderly turtle pair fails to produce offspring. As usual, elderly female turtle blames elderly male turtle, berates him for every mistake he has ever made in his entire life, and makes him sleep out on the couch.

Oct 4: European leaders vow to fight financial crisis. Said European leaders, “Hey financial crisis, you & me outside behind the gym at 3 O’clock. Unless you’re chicken!”

Oct 4: North Korean leader watches soccer game. Just before half-time, he gave both teams a red-card and declared himself the winner.

Oct 4: T-Mobile admits losing data for 17 million customers. When asked about it, CEO Hamid Akhavan said, “I looked all over the house for it, and it turns out, it was in my hand the entire time.”

Oct 3: SEC short-selling ban to expire Wednesday night. A relieved Mike Myers is anxious to sell his mini-me.

Oct 1: Robot has biological brain. Scientists have created a robot controlled by a biological brain made of rat neurons. They call it Dick Cheney.