My Creative Mojo

I was walking the picket line today, talking to some of my new writer friends. The topics of discussion are interesting. We’ve been on the picket line for weeks and the small talk is gone. In efforts to entertain ourselves, we admit things that wouldn’t normally come up in everyday conversation.

It began with chat about current events. Politics. We all miss The Daily Show for our dose of news clips that display the ineptness of our government.

Then I went off on this next bit, and was encouraged to write about it in my blog. So here it goes:

I am amused every time we have a Ted Haggard or Larry Craig type incident. Oh, and let’s not forget about Mark Foley hitting on underage congressional pages.

Larry Craig is so far back in the closet, he’s practically in Narnia. You can’t get further into the closet than that.

Shortly after the Larry Craig incident happened, I went into a public bathroom stall and sat down to use the facilities. I looked around and thought about tapping my foot to see if it freaks anybody out. Then I pondered the “wide stance” claim.

I tried to slide both of my feet underneath the walls into the stalls on either side of me and discovered this — IT’S NOT POSSIBLE! If your pants are down around your ankles, your stance can’t be wide enough to get your feet underneath the side walls.

I try to give L.C. the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he has a “lopsided wide stance” in which only one foot goes under one of the side walls. I try it. The only way I could get one foot under the stall is to swing both of my legs around to one side of the toilet. Nobody sits on a toilet sideways like that when taking a dump. Even if you’re retarded, you don’t do that.

So to get a foot underneath the side wall of a stall there are several options:

1. Don’t drop your pants. Leave them pulled up around your waste, which gives you the ability to have a “wide stance” and get one foot underneath each side wall. IMPORTANT NOTE: If you do this, you are sitting on the toilet with your pants up. Therefore, it is not possible to claim that you are actually using the stall for its intended purpose (of going #2).

2. Sit on the toilet sideways, swinging both feet either to the left or right side of the toilet. Then you can get one of your feet underneath the side wall. Similar important note applies here. And refer back to my non-p.c. comment earlier, about the retard.

I’m sorry Larry Craig. Originally I didn’t buy your lame ass “wide stance” excuse. But now I have proved that a wide stance is not possible unless you are just being a deviant politician.

Deviant politician, now that’s redundant.